Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
