Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
