Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
