i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
