I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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