There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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