im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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