How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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