guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
did you just send me my own nude
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
