Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize