No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
false alarm. still invincible.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
