So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
