i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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