No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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