I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
