Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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