Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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