3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
