Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
