I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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