every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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