I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
