Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
