either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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