Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
