We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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