So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
