just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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