Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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