Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
