haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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