DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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