After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
there is glitter all over my balls
His nipple licking is glorious
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