how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
