I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
