so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
