I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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