the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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