oh god the rape fog is back!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
They are going to name an STD after you.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
