the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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