So drunk its hurt
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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