it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm having to shit out rocks
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
