They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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