someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
