Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
