I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
