the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize