i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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