I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
