Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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