I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
