Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
