I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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