We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
