On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize