I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
