2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
