I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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