If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
