we're blogging at a bar
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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