Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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