omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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