Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
