We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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