i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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