i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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