if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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