My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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