My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
