you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
