He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize