so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
