If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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