your thong is hanging out like whoa
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize